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my stylish heart

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huuuuuu. i'm such a child. [Mar. 5th, 2010|07:16 pm]
my stylish heart
i'm pretty happy with my retail job. really. they give me enough hours to pay my bills, i work super early shift so i have the rest of my day open, and i don't come home hating myself and my life so i can still get some art done.

but then my friend tells me her bar is hiring.

intial reaction: I HATE WAITRESSING!

then she tells me she pulls in like a grand a week.

second reaction: well... that would be nice...

third reaction: I HATE WAITRESSING!

after much distress over the subject (i mean, i'm OKAY financially, so long as my car doesn't die or something... KNOCKONWOODKNOCKONWOOD and i do get insurance from my job, which is nice.) i determined i'd just better not. since i'm really trying to make my lesbionic comic booking dream come true, it seems awfully retroactive to get a job that i know would put me in a no-art slump.

i'm really lucky because my girlfriend's idea is that i stay home and be some sorta housewife with kids and get some comic booking done. i'm well aware, from trying to talk to my sister on the phone, how kids will inhibit my comicing for a certain time... but kids grow up.

this is all weird to me because i used to hate kids. i never thought i'd find this life appealing, but it somehow is with lia. plus, our kids will be awesome anyways. duh.

it's weird though... planning your future around depending on someone else. but i've never had much of a plan for myself. well, actually i've had tons of plans... just not a lot of follow throughs. sometimes i feel like this big loser for never going to college. but i've just never been able to settle down with something that i know won't make me happy. only art really does, unfortunately. shame i'm not better. but i mean, does everyone else just settle? if i wasn't interested in art, would other things seem more appealing?

i wish i was a normal person who just went to a university and got some degree in something and had a real job. -_- instead, i've always had this notion that i should do what makes me happy in life no matter how lucrative it is. and you know, real life kinda doesn't work that way... you can say, 'money doesn't matter to me!' but you know, paying your bills on time is kinda sweet. i don't know why i feel that i am exempt from this "life is hard, life is work" idea and i feel like a huge asshole for being me sometimes. i feel ashamed for being so selfish. i feel like i'm taking advantage of lia. what if she doesn't even really mean it? what if she just says that to make me happy but deep down inside she's like, "god, i'm dating a loser..." everyone wants to have a successful partner, what if i'm just an embarrassment? lia's unrealistic dream was always to be a rockstar. she gave up on that though. most people do.

maybe i just never got the memo...
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over here in detroit, things get heated. [Mar. 1st, 2010|07:31 am]
my stylish heart
[Current Mood |cynicalcynical]

the olympics have made me very sad. here in hockeytown, everyone hates the candians because they beat us and detroit is big big big for hockey. it's even worse because we're so close to canada, there's tons of canadians here too. oh, and the fact that the detroit red wings are NOT mostly made up of americans... mostly canadians and russians, duh.

so why am i sad? because people are disgusting. they get all up in arms because so and so beat us and that country sucks and crosby can suck a dick blah blah. i'm just tired of it. i don't even know who this crosby guy is... and what did he do? he won? oh yeah, good reason to be mad?

i've never understood sports in the least. why do you want to create something that does nothing but make you hate someone else? at MSU people would riot all the time when they were pissed that they lost (or happy that they won?) and people would get hurt. cars would be overturned, shit would get lit on fire, and tons of people would be trampled. stupid stupid stupid.

my country winning or losing has absolutely no effect on me personally. apollo ono's gold medal doesn't mean shit to me. i'm happy for him, but i'm also happy for everyone who brought home a medal no matter where they're from. they work really hard to achieve that. i hate watching the olympics because i hate the looks on the faces of the people who fumble or trip and you just know, they're completely crushed. they work so hard and it all came down to that one mistake they'll replay in their head for a long time to come.

i really try to have national pride, but it's hard for me. i don't feel that being an american makes me any better than anyone else. i just wish we could throw all of the borders away and truly become world citizens. to create that line between "us" and "them" does nothing but keep us from being truly united.

sports, what a stupid reason to feel that you're better than someone else. i mean, unless you're actually that athlete that won the gold medal. then yeah, you are better than everyone else. lol.
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detroit institute of the arts. [Jan. 16th, 2010|10:32 pm]
my stylish heart
[Current Mood |happyhappy]

went to the DIA today for the first time... odd, i know.

they had warhol and vangough and gauguin and rodin and monet etc etc...

and while all that was fine and dandy, the entire time i had this flutter in my heart hoping... wishing...

and finally... in one of the renaissance rooms... artemisia gentileschi.

if you don't know about her, wikipedia but all you really need to know is that she was waaaay ahead of her time. she remade works by men (caravaggio) to show the women as strong and passionate instead of weak and timid. she showed emotions of women never captured by her male counterparts.

i know nobody else really cares that much, but to me... it was really amazing. they didn't have my favorite by her, (judith beheading holofernes) but they did have judith and her maidservant with the head of holofernes

to see her work, to see her brush strokes, to be so close to something that she touched... it was stunning. next time i go, i have to get a picture in front of her work. fo sho.
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badass 80's ladies [Sep. 28th, 2009|08:32 pm]
my stylish heart
[Current Mood |quixoticquixotic]

i just made a new mix, which, if i don't say so myself... is fantastic.
(still have to cut a few out before i put it on cd though, but i'm having trouble)

1. proud mary::tina turner(and ike too, i guess)
2. edge of 17::stevie nicks
3. material girl::madonna
4. express yourself::madonna
5. one way or another::blondie
6. call me::blondie
7. hanging on the telephone::blondie
8. sunday girl::blondie(the mix that is half in french! my fav)
9. joan jett::bad reputation
10. brass in pocket::the pretenders
11. middle of the road::the pretenders
12. don't get me wrong::the pretenders
13. back on the chain gang::the pretenders
14. tattooed love boys::the pretenders
15. beautiful::the go-gos
16. head over heels::the go-gos
17. total eclipse of the heart::nikki french(techno version of bonnie tyler's original)
18. barracuda::heart
19. kids in america::kim wilde
20. fucking in rhythm and sorrow::the sugarcubes(bjork's band in the 80's)
21. conga::gloria estefan(lmfao)
22. hazy shade of winter::the bangles

now i'm thinking i have way too much pretenders... haha.

oh well. the comic is coming along nicely... i've been at it for about 1.5 weeks and i have already gone up over 1000 places on their list. ho ho ho...

Fate's Bitch.
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(no subject) [Sep. 22nd, 2009|08:02 pm]
my stylish heart
i have determined that this whole jobless thing is my karma. probably for giving lia such a hard time when she was without a job, heh.

i have never ever struggled to find a job. i've always had one easily... generally speaking, the first place i applied would hire me. this is ridiculous, when you think about it. i have lived in so many places and had so many jobs... never once had to worry.

this is a very beneficial experience for me. my pride and my ego are taking a real lashing here, haha. but that too, is a good thing. i never realized how much pride i had about this little fact. i really did look down on people who had trouble getting hired. thinking, if it were me, it wouldn't be a problem.

yes, i earned this a hundred times over. i'll never feel that way again.

on with the next hurdle... i have 6 places mapped out tomorrow. assuming, i can wake up before 5pm. that's be nice. i'm starting to feel like my life is slipping away... one day at a time... drip drop drip drop...

also, only one of these places is for waitressing. and it's a place i would really like to work, unlike everywhere else i've applied. it's an alternative bar with an 80s night and shit. hell yeah. i realized although waitressing pays the bills quite easily, i really hate the job anyways. might as well do something less stressful and horrible for my karma. i read the other day that you create bad karma by being in several occupations which contribute to evil, one of which is waitressing (alcohol). and believe me, i felt that way too. i realize that if i hadn't been there, someone else would be serving the severe alcoholic with an obvious problem... but that doesn't really make it any more right.

yes... perhaps the fact that i've been chanting for a job that would cause me happiness and then continued to apply at local bars to no avail... perhaps these things are related. i can only get a job that causes me happiness if i apply for a job that will... true dat.
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so, i have hosting for my comic! [Sep. 19th, 2009|08:35 pm]
my stylish heart
[Current Mood |accomplishedaccomplished]

www.drunkduck.com/Fates_Bitch

i only have the chapter one cover page up right now, but i've decided i will update like once a week or something. that should give me enough time to whip out a page, i think.

i am surprised how much better i am getting by just forcing myself to put effort into drawing. i feel like i'm getting a little better with each page i draw, and that makes me happy. so far i have finished the cover page and 2 pages after that. i have inked 1 page that needs dialogue. sketched 2. and i still have a bunch story boarded. i think that's a good enough start to get some stuff up there. plus the entire plot IN MY HEAD. i should really work on getting it down somewhere in case i drink away the thoughts tonight.

and i know 90% of my FL isn't going to read it, so i'm done updating about it haha.
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2 year anniversary.... [Sep. 15th, 2009|06:29 pm]
my stylish heart
today is mine and lia's two year. we think. we don't really remember what day we made it official so this is actually just the day we picked, haha. it's hard when you're sleeping with someone months before you actually start dating.... haah.

we're going out for sushi later and i'm psyched. :) there's like 3 sushi places walking distance from us so we're just going to check one of those places out.

and.... this is the last FATE'S BITCH update you'll get from me...

i finally finished the cover page....

behind the cutCollapse )

ehhh i don't want to hear any sort of constructive comments because i'm not changing a damn thing. i'm so sick of working on it that even though i'm not very happy with it, IT'S DONE!
i'm ready to move on with my life...

i'm feeling a little artistically depressed today. wishing i was better... wondering if i'm too old to have this dream... there's so many people out there who are so much better than me, it's hard not to compare. i find myself criticizing their works in an effort to feel better about myself, but that's not really helpful... then i just feel like a bitter bitch, haha.

i think it is true that i'm better at some things though... for example, there are a lot of comics out there with very awesome art... yet they have these really boring storylines that don't make me want to read any more, so i don't. also, my comic is for a very certain niche. it's not like it's another D&D type thing of which there are millions... so i guess i have that going for me.

i haven't drawn in years... why am i surprised? lol... i need to stop being a whiny bitch and just get some fucking work done. and work on hair and clothing. i hate those things...
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celebrating a little too early. [Sep. 14th, 2009|05:30 am]
my stylish heart
i just finished sketching the cover page for chapter 1 of fate's bitch so i'm having a couple of beers, smoking cigarettes and reading yuri online. i can't do any more work since lia kicked me off my computer so she could write a paper (her's doesn't have an "o" key... really annoying)

really. i have become a little addicted to yuri lately. it's the best porn a girl could ask for! it has love and tension and boobs. ahhh...

thinking about american lesbian comics lately... there's not many on par with what yuri offers. back when i was all in the closet and stuff, lesbian media was my escape. it's really sort of important you know? i attribute my awesome sexual skills to lesbian erotica/yuri!

i mean, not to brag but... :) (i have my reasons)

ahh reading these coming of age stories reminds me of when i was just a little closeted lesbo...

dating a boy who's ex girlfriend i had the most intense crush on. she was in my gym class and her position was right in front of mine and she had the most fantastic butt. she always wore those really tight spandex shorts... mhmm. one time i was at his house and i was looking through photo albums with him and he had a bunch of pictures of her and i was like "boner!" then i thought, "you know, this straight thing really isn't for me..."

teen angst is great, but i really like being a grown up much more... i mean how cool is it when you find a girl that actually lets you touch her boobs and doesn't have a complex about it?

oh, speaking of lesbo stuff... i'm meeting with my ex girlfriend laura sometime in the near future. we're trying to work out a day when me, her, my gf, her gf all have free time... it's proving difficult. i figured it's about time since i haven't seen her in like 2.5 years and no longer hate her. can you say awkward? wish me luck!
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it has a title, Fate's Bitch. [Sep. 13th, 2009|02:49 am]
my stylish heart
[Current Mood |goodgood]

page one of my new comic. (soon to come!) kind of a character introduction before the actual comic starts. i'm pretty happy with the way it turned out... i have a few other pages finished but it'll still be a while before it's properly on the internet. now working on the cover page for chapter one.

the comic is set in new orleans so i'm trying to do the southern accent thing. heh. difficult to translate with dialogue. i'm currently studying a lot of southern sayings and jargon, but trying not to overload the comic so that it SEEMS like i'm doing this. watching true blood also helps... haha.

fate's bitch 1
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new icon. [Aug. 27th, 2009|05:43 am]
my stylish heart
sending love to pumahmistress before i forget.

no need to write anything because this icon pretty much epitomizes my life lately.

i think that's bad.
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